i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
