I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
