Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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