I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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