if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
