I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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