Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Is it because I queefed?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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