You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
