Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
