i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
