i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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