yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
