Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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