My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
