did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
