Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
