and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
