after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
