Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
