Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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