East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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