I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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