You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
