Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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