i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
