The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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