Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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