i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
