man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
