My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
