how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
