oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
