my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
