just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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