So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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