dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i now understand why vodka
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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