the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
