just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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