I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
