if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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