Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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