last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Someone came in the potted fern
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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