I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
