I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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