Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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