Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
