Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
