I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
