and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
