For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
