Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
